Where Are You Christmas
By: Faith Hill
Holds this Burning Candle in Memory of Our Precious
Jacob Allen Victorino Zeigler
The National Day of Remembrance
for SIDS is
Please light a candle to remember Jacob and all
he's new friends on
December 12, 2004 at 7:00pm PST
page created, By the Proud Grandma of Jacob Allen
Grandma (Madelyn Victorino)
I Love You!
is Jacob Allen's Little Red Balloon From Granny's
Buffet found by
Grandpa and Uncle John Victorino, Just Floating
around in the car.
Just Jacobs way of letting them Know he was there
Balloons are not heavy at all for the first days
of a little Angel life.
Allen Victorino Zeigler
6-6-2003 ~ 12-13-2003
Little Angel for the Tree
December ~ 2003
for Jacob 12/19/2003 laid to rest
Johnathen (Grandpa) and uncle John got home
from the nursery, Uncle John my son took off
to the drug store up the road that carries Balloons.
John purchased 12 Red Balloons for Jacob. (12
days before Christmas & December 12th month)
We wonted to let them go with the Family. Edith
and Shane had all ready left for home, leaving
Just Tyler Uncle John Grandpa and me (Grandma).
It was around 9:00pm PST and we all went out
side and we all held our hands one on top of
each other with the strings between all our
fingers. We let our Grandson Know "These
Balloons are for you Jacob, not to carry you
away but for you to play with, Love You Jacob!"
Then we let the strings glide though our fingers.
Straight Up over the house then we watched them
go sideways straight down the road, then a hard
right towards the Tahoma Cemetery. We all were
amazed of the way the balloon went, we all figured
they would just go up. The wind was not blowing,
it was not windy at all. The next morning Uncle
John had to check to see if any landed in trees
or on the cemetery area. none were found they
must of made it up to Jacob.
once heard a Question: How many balloons would
it take to lift Jacob, and float him around
so I don't have to carry him?
When you weren't looking the Angles
would gently take him away to be
with God in Heaven.
was Jacobs Last Holliday with us.
Grandma & Grandpa purchased Two Halloween
Costumes for Jacob. One was a sleepy time Care
bear Sleeper the other was a Tiger costume,
that reminded me of Tiger in Winnie the Pooh.
It was a dark night not to cold, The whole family
always goes with the kids. It becomes our family
Edith, Shane, Tyler, Jacob, Grandpa, and me
all went out I brought my camera just incase
I was able to take a clear picture. A few were
taken that night and I didn't check our camera
until after Jacobs passing. This was the only
one light enough for us to see. This photo and
the costumes all we have from Halloween night.
Shane was the grim riper, Tyler was a Ninja
warrior, and Jacob was the little Tiger.
Grandpa and Grandma just went as grandparents
Edith Just went as Mommy.
We got KFC chicken to take home and had dinner
with the kids before they left for home.
Jacob received some mashed potatoes and gravy
from my plate. We had a wonderful time with
our family that night.
Jacob had a blast he was really good all the
way from house to house
He love's suckers Oh boy ! He would make little
noises when mommy would give him one.
What a sickly sweet mess he would make.
Tree and an Angle
Christmas will now and forever be with grate
difficulty the lost of our baby boy will away's
be there. So much we will miss so much he never
got to do in this life time. We laid our grandson
to rest on December 19th 2003 Just six days
before Christmas day. We had to complete the
task of Christmas for Tyler's sake none of us
wonted Christmas it became so bad here. We even
had a hard time purchasing gifts for anyone
nothing was important any more. What did we
really need, That became something all of us
learned so very fast. Things we wonted for our
son John became unneeded even by him. No one
wonted anything nor needed anything.
the 19th of December the day we laid Jacob to
rest I wonted the tree purchased. Johnathen
and John headed off to the Nursery late that
night. We have purchase our trees every year
from one of two nursery's we use. The nursery
Johnathen Got to first didn't have any Blue
spruce trees. They only had a floor motel decorated
in their lobby. They offered it to us after
knowing the important's of the time of purchase
of the tree. He knew he was not able to make
it to the other before they closed. It was important
to us to get it up that night for Jacob. The
tree had decorations already on it and they
didn't charge us for them. Little red Bells
that played music. Uncle John was going to take
them off But I said no Jacob would of liked
them they stay . We started placing Jacobs small
toys on the tree. For all intent it was decorated.
we turned it on and it played Christmas songs.
A little at a time we all placed something on
the tree every day it became one of the best
decorated trees we have ever had. It was just
right simple but for Jacob not for us. Even
Tyler was heavily involved in placing items
of Jacobs or what reminded him of his brother.
next day Uncle John took off to the store with
dad and came home straight to the bed room.
Later he came out with an angel of blue he had
made up in memory of Jacob. Since I collect
ornaments, we couldn't place the one for Jacobs
first Christmas on the tree. He never had a
first Christmas, or an ornament that said baby's
first Christmas would never appear on the tree
for Jacob. The Angel sent us all in tears and
no one had to say a word. The tree was on every
night all night for Jacob until January 2, 2004.
I know I slept a few nights in the front room
Just to see it with all the lights in the house
off. His Ornament Right in fount for every one
to see the rest of the mementoes were place
on it for him Teddy bears, Rabbit, little toys
filled the little Blue spruce. Edith asked for
a blue spruce for Jacob we couldn't have done
Tyler said "this is a tree for my baby
brother cause we miss him."
Little Red Balloon
december 19th 2003 the day we laid Jacob to
rest, Uncle John made room for Jacobs Christmas
tree in the car a little red balloon flew out
at him, he immediately thought of Jacob, although
that is where his mind was anyway. It Just reminded
him Just who's balloon it was and for what day.
On December 17th just before the funeral grandpa
washed the car and open the hatch and out few
the Balloon at him. Again Grandpa was already
thinking hard about Jacob, Then his little red
Balloon comes out at him.
Just a few days after the funeral went by Grandpa
and uncle John went out side. Later they came
into the house and handed me a Balloon 1/2 inflated
about the size of a very large apple. Grandpa
stated "Look what we found it floated up
to me from the back seat when I opened the back
hatch. It shouldn't be floating at all. Uncle
John said it was floating around the car when
he opened the hatch to make room for the tree.
They Knew I would want it for Jacob's baby book.
This little red Balloon sat on their minds,
we all cried this was the last little red Balloon
from Granny Buffet 12-9-2003 It still had mashed
potatoes on it. It was Jacobs little red Balloon,
the very one he played with and made us all
laugh so very hard. I placed it on my mirror
above my bed for weeks but I was afraid someone
would wash it, I deflated it the rest of the
way. It now lays in Jacob's baby Photo album
along with the receipt for dinner that night.The
receipt has the date and time we were there.
Now it's just the little things, any little
memory of him becomes so very important in our
The Balloon made Grandpa remember, that Jacob,
never got to sit on Santa lap and he broke down.
Trying to console Grandpa I reminded him that
Jacob had sat on his lap many times and he was
Jacob's Santa. I'm sure there will be many things
over the years that will hurt every time we
think of our Baby Jacob.
Below is a scanned photo of the Little Red Balloon
and under Eeyore, Jacobs little inflated Balloon
Loving Memory of
Jacob Allen Victorino Zeigler
6/6/03 ~ 12/13/03
This is Jacob's Winnie the Pooh
Photography was taken by: Silver
Photographer: John White
Page 6 of 12
said, let the little Children come to me, and
do not hinder
them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such
Jacob was a happy baby but
he hated being put down though. He always had
to have your attention and be up to play. He just
wonted to be were everyone else was. He was just
a bit spoiled about being held. He hated being
laid down during 1 to 4 months old. Even for the
short time to get something for him. Just after
4 months he stated to get his own personality.
He had a Tiger personality going on. When you
held him he would turn around and wont to face
away just to see what was going on over there
or any where other then who was holding him. If
he could have walked then I know he would of been
all over the house into everything. Grandma would
prop him up in the corner of the couch with a
blankets tucked around like a seat belt. Jacob
thought that was the best thing, he looked like
such a big boy. He could look around at everything,
and play with his toys. If he got to tired from
all the playing he would just stair out the window
and fall a sleep. He would be all nicely tucked
in already to the couch and would just fall a
sleep. Grandma and Grandpa picked up a walker
for him to sit up in and play. Oh Boy, the whole
world changed for him. His walker had so many
neat toys built right in. Rollers, beeps, mirrors,
and bouncing things. Man that was the best thing,
it made him important. He could see and play right
in the middle of everything. but he still loved
to be held you could walk by and he was ready
to be picked up his little arms would reach out
for you to pick him up. There was always someone
there to spoil him. Tyler would play with Jacob
for hours and was such a big brother. Jacob would
just start jumping and his little arms would just
get a going when Tyler came by him. Tyler could
see how much Jacob wanted him and Tyler would
tell me that Jacob loves him. Grandma Jacob loves
me look he wants me to hold him, can I hold my
baby brother. Tyler would lay big soft blankets
down on the carpet and then would play with Jacob
on the floor with all the toys. Tyler was so proud
of his Baby Brother and is having a very hard
time with loosing Jacob.
Oh God, why did we loose him?Sometimes it's to
hard, just to complete a day with out our little
Edith's favorite character in Winnie
the Pooh has to be "Eeyore". When the
photographer John White, asked Edith, to get some
favorite toys she had to bring Eeyore along. She
loves Tiger, Pooh, and the rest but Eeyore has
a special place in her heart. Edith has tired
to stay strong for me, She had worried about me
thought out Jacobs loss. Sheltering me from having
to visit him before the funeral. Edith is one
that draws in all her emotions and only keeps
them for her self. For Edith to show emotion would
show to much of herself. Being her mother there
is just things she cant hide from me. But then
again as her mother there is nothing I can do
to fix the pain. I can only be there to hold her
if she is in need. Edith has taken the loss of
her son hard, with every day that passes it's
not any better. She didn't wont to believe Jacob
was gone, but rather believe he was at our home
visiting. When she came to our home there was
a discomfort that I didn't understand. Later her
brother John, had reviled to me and dad, the following;
"Edith is pretending Jacob is here with us
mom, and that we are watching him for her. That's
why she is having a hard time coming to the house
now. Mom think about it Jacob, was always here
when she didn't have him. Edith was never here
with out Jacob unless he was here. The front room
is bare there is no little boy on the couch, in
the walker, or in your arms when she comes in
the house. When she comes to pick Tyler up she
is hoping to see Jacob in Your arms watching TV
with you. When she's alone at home she try's to
think he is here with us."
All I thought was we had done something wrong.
I didn't understand why it felt like she was staying
away from her family.
We have talked a little about Jacob, but there
is still silence and pain. We all have to do what
we feel is best to get us thought the pain that
will never end. For myself I feel a grate need
to build this site for Jacob and have at times
not understood why I could not get anyone to be
a part of it with me. Trying to get someone to
put there feelings on paper, for the whole world
to see, just is not right for me to ask. I know
I must give each there own time and let them have
their own way to grieve.
view all of Jacobs Web pages,
They are in order just click on Next.
Then please Remember to sign Jacob's guess book,
to leave an Imprint in our hearts
is my favorite picture of Jacob and at the same
time it is the picture that hurts the most to
look at. On the night before we lost Jacob,
he was at our home. Jacob spent the day sitting
up tucked in the corner of our chair and sitting
in the new walker that Grandma had bought him.
At one point when Jacob was in his walker he
was looking at me (Grandpa) as if he wanted
to play. I called his name, Jacob I said. Jacob.
Then he would smile. I started to rock back
and fourth and he smiled and copied me by rocking
like I did. I did it again and he copied me
again. To me this was the first time that he
showed signs of understanding. He new that I
was talking to him and that I was playing with
him. After I laughed at what had taken place
I picked him up and sat him in my lap. Jacob
was clearly happy to be picked up as he was
all smiles. As he sat on my lap, I would play
like I was biting at his sides. He got really
happy. At one point he started to hit me with
both of his little fists and then I would say
to him "Ah you got me Jacob" and he
would giggle and smile and bounce up and down
on my lap. Then we would do it all over again.
On that night I spent the most one on one time
with Jacob that I had ever spent with him since
his birth. The reason I say that is because
from the time that Jacob was born I wanted to
make sure that I didn't go over board in showing
him affection. I did not want Jacobs Brother
to think that we were going to forget about
him. So in my attempt to make sure that Tyler
felt secure in his place with our family I was
a little stand offish with Jacob. I thought
that I would have all the time in the world
to make it up to Jacob. Then He was gone. Now
I will never be able to make it up to him. The
last thing that I have to remember of Jacob
is what he looked like in his Coffin and that
I never took more time to spend with him. On
the last night that Jacob played with me I can
only think that the reason Jacob was so happy
was because I finally took the time to play
with him. I can only think that he must have
been saying to me "Look grandpa here I
am, why wont you play with me?" And after
I finally answered him by playing with him it
made him so happy. So now when I see this picture
I remember him beating on me and laughing. He
had that same smile that is in this picture.
Then all I can think of is now that he is gone
I will never be able to make it up to him. Jacob,
Papa is so sorry for not being there and spending
more time with you. I hope you will forgive
me. I never meant to leave you out, I thought
that we had allot of time to be together.
I was wrong. Jacob I love you and I will forever
any of you that read this, all I can say is
don't take one day for granted when it comes
to your children and grandchildren. You wont
know what day will be your last or worse yet
Grandpa (Johnathen Victorino)
" Dinner At Granny's Buffet
It seams like every time we went out to dinner
with our two grandsons Tyler always picked out
Granny's. Jacob was to young the first couple
of times,and he would sleep right thought Dinner.
One night the whole family went to Granny's.
Jacob was being fussy so I sat him up on the
table and stuck his pacifier into the cheesecake
mouse. He just went nuts over it and soon he
would just spit out the pacifier looking for
more.Not long after that, it seamed like every
time we went out to dinner it had to be Granny's.
It was not just for Tyler anymore. Jacob was
excited about being there I guess he figured
it out really fast. Grandma broke the rules
and gave him mash potatoes gravy, pudding and
cheese cake mouse. He would have a blast and
sit right up in the big chair it didn't take
long before the spoon came into place. Every
other bite better be Jacobs, his little arms
would get going and he would be all excited
awaiting the spoon. Between the dog shows Weight
pulls and just regular family weekend dinners
Jacob must of went to Granny's about ten times
or more. There was never a time he didn't get
the attention of someone. Whether it was the
waitress or just another customer having dinner.
They would say what a good baby, and so happy.
He was always looking around and having a good
time. The Balloons were the big ticket he would
have his little eyes on someone's Balloon and
shortly here would come the waitress with a
balloon for Jacob and Tyler. Oh boy that balloon
would be all messy with what ever he was eating.
Uncle John would be the first to pick him up
to go wash him off. Soon he would come back
all baby fresh again.
Shane was leaving for a training run for the
army and we took the Family out and again we
were at Granny's for the kids. As the waitress
came around with the balloons Shane got one
of his hair brain Ideas he ask how many Balloons
would it take to float Jacob around. He went
on about how you could hook the balloons on
and wouldn't have to carry him, just float him
around.We all laughed at him and gave him a
bad time about it a long after that.
The last night we took the boys out to Granny's
was December 9th 2003. As we came in to the
restaurant the waitress seating us asked if
Santa Was still dressed up would we like to
have the kids pictures taken with him, of course
we said yes. She went to check were Santa, had
gone and found out he was done for the night
and him and Mrs Claus were sitting down for
dinner. She said she was sorry but that he would
be back this weekend if you would like having
their picture taken. We said that would be fine
thanks anyway. We sat down to have our meal
Grandpa, Uncle John, Tyler, Jacob and me, Grandma.
Never knowing that was the very last dinner
at Granny's Little Jacob would ever spend with
us. He sat up in a big high chair with the blankets
tucked in where ever he needed support and began
to have his dinner. Mashed potatoes with gravy,
a taste of pudding and of course his favorite
cheese cake mouse. Oh Boy he was having such
a good time the lady came over and gave both
boys balloons like always. Jacob received a
little red one and Tyler's was blue. We placed
them around their wrist and Jacob began playing
with his like always. He always got mashed potatoes
and cheese cake all over his. This time really
stuck out in our minds he was playing with the
balloon and I would hold it up and look though
it at him and he would open his mouth and push
his whole face into the balloon just to see
me. Then he would push the balloon aside to
get the next bite of food. He had everyone laughing.
He would make Baby noises into the balloon with
his face pressed into it. Jacob was having a
blast and Tyler was having a good time with
his brother. Grandpa even said something about
how Cheep a balloon was for a toy for him to
have so much fun with. Everyone was focused
on Jacob and that Little Red Balloon that night.
We had made plans to bring the boys back on
Saturday night right after we all go to the
tree farm to pick out the family Christmas tree.
Every year we purchase a live tree to be planted
in our yard. The tree is only in the house for
a few days and then is planted. We had planed
the coming weekend 12th and 13th of december,
out with the kids. It would be a perfect time
to Christmas shop for the kids gifts for Mommy.
Edith had to work at the Vet clinic, we always
have the kids for her. We always wont them here
with us more then she is willing to give them
up. I have had Edith, joke with me about coming
to get Tyler so she could spend time with her
boy. Now with the new baby Jacob it would be
double fun for us. He just fits right into our
lives so sweet it was like he was always there.
The weekend was coming up Edith had taken Jacob
home with her. Our home was not set up with
a crib for him to sleep over and be comfortable.
Where and How a baby sleeps even for a nap is
very important to me. A crib here at our home
was on my list cause I new he would be spending
more nights at Grandpa's and Grandma's house.The
nights he did spend he slept with me in a big
King size bed but for nap time I was worried
about when he started to roll. It would be no
time and he would be crawling off the bed. That
weekend what we had planed for our family, never
came for us. Instead of Edith bringing Jacob
back to our home on Saturday morning he was
with his daddy. Jacob's father Shane received
some time off from the Army and Jacob was being
watched by Shane and uncle Shaun, at uncle Shaun's
apartment. Just after 6:00pm PST we received
a call from Edith, she had just gotten home
to find her son had passed away. The first words
I remember her saying to me when I got there
was " Mommy's shouldn't have to work!"
few weeks after Jacob had passed, my sister Milly
Gibson, gave us these two precious pictures above.
Great Aunty Milly was blessed to have had the
chance to watch baby Jacob. We were out of Town
and Edith had to work, Aunty Milly was there to
watch over and care for our baby Jacob. I hoped
My sister Milly, never thinks she was asked in
hast to watch Jacob, I've always been very picky
with Who cares for my children. I would have stayed
home in a heart beat or taken Jacob with me. But
I know he was in the best of care, the choice
was grandma's to place my baby in my sisters care.
Thank you, My Sister
Milly Gibson, " I wish I would have taken
more for you, I can't believe he's gone"
Smiles & Expressions Our Baby Jacob
left us will
Forever be Etched in Our Hearts! He brought
us so much joy in his short life. Did he
know he wasn't going to be here long with
I can Still clearly hear Jacobs Laughter
in my Mind, he had just learned to laugh
out load with a high pitch then gave soft
little giggles until he had to take a breath.
He looked right at us and could recognize
us by our voice. Jacob would get so exited
to see us, when he came over. He knew he
was at Grandpa and Grandma house.
Jacob was deeply loved and he will be forever
missed. There will never be a day that goes
by we don't think of him and wish he was
there sharing the day with us.
On this page Jacob has his Winnie the Pooh
toys or clothes on.
Birthday Lexus Pooler 2003
We were all at Alexis birthday party at
Chucky Cheese the theme was Winnie the Pooh
Below are a few photos of Jacob that were
taken that day.
A special Thanks for the photos to Jack
and Adrian Pooler
John Hiding behind Jacob as Adrian try's
to take a picture of him. Jack and John
of the only pictures of me holding Jacob
Alexis Birthday party, Alexis Pooler, Grandma
Grandpa Victorino Jacob, Uncle John and
Laughing and we see the back of Jacob's
head to her left side.
and Mommy (Adrian Pooler) Jacob and Edith
behind them. Jacob has his binky in his
Big Brother is here, Jacob's little eyes
are fixed right on Tyler
mommy will do now,
Jacob just wants mommy now cause he is grumpy
Little man is getting sleepy and grabs momma
for the big baby hug
Would like to thank Jack and Adrian Pooler
for the special memory's of this gathering
Alexis had a grate birthday celebration
and it was Jacob's second birthday party
His first was Tyler's and I forgot to take